Sometimes I worry and wonder if I can be a good teacher. I just finished reading Herbert Kohl's "The Discipline of Hope" and he is so awe-inspiring as a teacher, so committed to his students. I care deeply about teaching and about my students, but I worry if I can advocate for them, if I can be a good teacher. I know that this is a common fear for all teachers, but I really want to be the best teacher I can be for my students. I want to be that person that they can turn to, I want to be that teacher that inspires my students to learn and to carry that joy of learning wherever they go. I want to teach well and advocate for my students. Can I do it? Am I too shy/passive for this job?

Sometimes it seems that teaching is such an awesome, overwhelming responsibility...there are so many problems in the world, so many issues/traumas that my students will bring into the classroom. Can I address it? Can I help my students overcome those difficulties, to be the people I know they can be? Or will I become those stifling teachers that everyone hates? I hope and I pray that I won't be like those teachers, but I constantly worry that I will wake up one day and realize that I am a horrible teacher and I can't reach my students.

Only time can tell I suppose...

Well, Christmas is over and as much as I detest snow, I was still hoping for a "White Christmas". Unfortunately, I was fairly disappointed--however, if I was in Denver, I would have gotten the snow I needed.

On Christmas Day, we traveled to Canada to visit my relatives. It was great to see everyone there--for the first time in a long time, all of my cousins who are in the same age group as me were all there. It was nice to spend time together, sharing with each other what we're doing, as well as teasing each other. My family and I spent the night there and the next day, we visited Niagara Falls and had lunch at a nearby restaurant. Although I have had the privilege of visiting Niagara Falls since I was a young girl, I am still in awe whenever I visit the Falls. Such a majestic view of nature (yet currently surrounded by Casinos and other touristy gimmicks).

However, for me, one of the greatest things that happened on Christmas Day was playing the piano for one of my older cousins. She is more than 90 years old, but she has a great memory about everything. I played for her traditional Polish songs, which she and my mother sang with great spirit. Playing the piano made me realize how much I missed having music throughout my life, and it has also made me become even more homesick for Poland. There are plans for me to go there in the summer, but I wish that I was more proficient in the language and my communication abilities. Although my plans are to teach in US public schools for awhile, maybe I will return to Poland as a teacher again.

In a few days, I will be returning to Vermont. My teaching practicum starts soon, and I am excited and nervous about it as well. We'll see how it'll all work out. I hope that I can be the best teacher for my students. Trying to find teaching clothes have been challenging for me (especially regarding pants and the fact that I have gained weight since starting SIT), but luckily, I found some nice ones yesterday. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything will work out for the upcoming new year.

Merry Christmas 2006!
Christmas Eve is here and finally, another update on this blog. So much has happened since I last updated this blog. I successfully finished one semester at SIT and I really don't know how I should feel. On the one hand, I am happy there. I have met so many interesting people there--so many people there that I admire! On the other hand, I feel...I don't know how I feel. I worry constantly if I am too idealistic to be a teacher. My future students do not need another idealist preaching to them--they need someone to teach them, to guide them. I still worry that I cannot be an effective teacher, but once my practicum starts in a week, hopefully I will gain more of the necessary skills needed.

I am back home in Ohio again until the beginning of January. Today is Christmas Eve, a very special time with my family. It's the best time of the year, but also very stressful. I am sick of hearing all of the silly Christmas carols, but I love listening to the Polish Koledy! I feel happy, yet sad at the same time. It's hard to be happy to receive gifts when there is so much suffering in the world. Plus, every year, my mother is giving me more responsibilities (cooking, etc.) I know that I have to learn those skills, but I am still a horrible cook! I fear the day when my mother will turn to me and say, ok, it's your turn to prepare everything!

I shouldn't gripe about this, but I have gained weight since being at SIT. I need to cut back on all those yummy desserts and try to exercise more (Don't I remember waking up early in the morning and doing yoga and aerobics exercises? BLAH!). i am so busy, but I need to take care of myself, put my needs first in front of everyone. (Perhaps that's why my sister gave me a calendar entitled "For those women who are too busy for everything".

Tomorrow, off to Canada to spend Christmas Day with my relatives.

I need to work on updating this more often--talking about my experiences at SIT, but we'll see if my plans will work or not (similar to my experiences at Putney and in Poland--who has time to update when you are busy experiencing life?)

Happy Holidays! May there be peace in the world (and I truly mean it!)