Well, I finished everything that needed to be done on my to-do list. Both graduate school applications have been sent and most of my letters of recommendation have been sent as well. Makes me feel so much better and relieved...now the only thing I can only do is sit and wait!

This may be the last blog entry for the year 2005 and because of this, I feel like I should sum up my thoughts and feelings. Although the beginning and the latter part of the year has been stressful for me (i.e. not knowing what the hell I am doing with my life), I feel that there have been other great things I accomplished this year. I graduated from college, I went on an amazing adventure with WorldTeach this summer in Poland, and I am applying to two graduate schools. I feel that compared to last year, my life is finally moving forward and that I am trying to take control of my life.

However, there are still lots of things I need to improve on in the year 2006. Although I don't usually believe in New Year's resolutions, I think that my new years resolution is to finally accept myself for who I am and to finally stick up for myself. I have beaten myself up for too long and I definitely do not deserve it! I need to chart my own happiness and not rely on others' approval on making myself feel valuable in this world. This may be hard for me (because old habits die hard), but it is essentially essential for me in order to live a healthier, complete life.

So, no more blogging until January 2006. Off to Poland I go in order to eat lots of pierogis, cakes, and other delicious treats, and to visit my wonderful host families and students!

Happy holidays everyone! See you next year!

Had a flashback yesterday afternoon about my college years. I started to remember quite vividly what it was like being a freshman in college, how I was struggling trying to balance my workload and pass my freshman exams. Although I was fine throughout my college years, I just started to panic for some bizarre reason, trying to remember all the hard work that I did and how sad I was throughout my entire experience.

Has the work paid out? We'll see....Now, (hopefully), on to graduate school and new adventures. If only I can finish my application and have my references finish their letters of recommendations for me soon!

Hmmm...reading this NY times article just makes me stressed out all over again on paying my student loans on time! http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/08/politics/politicsspecial1/08scotus.htmloans

In other news, just can't wait to send in my graduate school applications and go to Poland!

Last night, I watched parts of the John Paul II miniseries on CBS. While it's good to see some films that document historical figures, there is something about this film that I don't really like. First of all, some of the Polish accents are horrible--I spent my summer in Poland and Polish accents do not sound like that. Other times, it was too melodramatic for my taste...

I guess I am more of a documentary girl. While I credit Jon Voigt and the other actors for tackling a difficult role, it's really hard to capture the spirit of someone. I think it would have been better if there was a documentary that had interviews and footage of the Pope's previous speeches. To me, documentaries are more real to me rather than sappy, melodramatic movies.

But, I guess to thine own self be true.

Becoming an adult is definitely not an easy task. So many things to worry about, so much stress, it's amazing that many people are not declared crazy. You have to worry about paying bills, finding a job, maintaining your health.

Sometimes you are held accountable for things that are not necessarily your fault. Although adulthood is a sign of separating yourself from your parents, I find myself getting caught in situations that others want to blame my mother, but instead punish me. Selling land--people don't trust my mom. My non-existent relationship with my father--because of difficulties with my parents, I didn't have a choice or say in the matter.

I want to become an adult, but people still think of me as a 5 year old indulged child, who only wants food , money, but not love. Listen, I would prefer to have no material possession from you, if only you would love me for who I am! It would stop me immensely from being such a people pleaser!

Again, why am I so insistent of growing up? I know a part of it is because I don't have a choice, but there are days when I would just prefer to stay home and read books non-stop. I wish I was 4 years old and play in my backyard in Pennsylvania, with no responsibilities and worries in my life.

Life was so simpler then...